An Open Letter of a Single Mom who loved and again, got hurt.

I wanna first thank you for coming in my life. Yes, you saved me in a lot of ways. And I am so grateful for that. I would just like to remind you that when you came in my life, I was not NOTHING. I was in the process of rebuilding my life and I had very high hopes that I was almost whole. I was working 2 jobs then, so I can pay for my brother's tuition without asking money from anyone. I was OK. So please, you shouldn't have said that.. It plays in my head all over again and it hurts me each time..  "You were nothing before I met you. "

I know you made a lot of sacrifices. I would just like to remind you once more that before we even became together, I remember telling you that being with me would mean being a father figure to my son and bearing with a girlfriend who is a SOLE breadwinner to her family. I specifically told you that you can never be my priority. You agreed. You even took that opportunity to tell me that you're willing to live a life like that for as long as we are together. To me, you were my knight and shining armor. But after hearing all those mean words from you, everything flashed right in front of my face.. Its clear to me now.. I should never find convenience in being with someone because being in a relationship, especially if you're a single mother, does not necessarily equate to having a partner in life. Never ever expect that person to assume the responsibility of healing all the wounds your past have caused you. Its an illusion that would never materialize not even in your wildest dreams. People are pretentious. Besides, I have always been an advocate of the thought that nothing really lasts forever. So I should have known better.

I am very grateful for so many things that happened in my life when I was with you. You taught me a lot of things and I will forever be thankful. I remember being ecstatic when you first agreed to move in my house so it wouldn't be hard for me to manage time and toggle between being your girlfriend and being a mother to Nyx. We became closer and we became happier. We got to know each other better and despite the imperfections, we decided to be with each other. I was even happier when you got to introduce Nyx and I to your family and I didn't feel any type of disapproval from them. As we would always say, our lives together have always been sheltered. We hadn't encountered any major problems in our lives like those I had with my past relationship. Money was never an issue coz you've always been so giving. You have always been so generous to both our families. You asked me stop working double then because you promised to help me in my responsibilities. You were very persistent to stop me from working 2nd job. I was very grateful and we started saving up from our combined earnings. I felt like saving with someone who shares the same goals you have is a breeze. This was something new to me since I never had the chance to save since I was always living paycheck to paycheck. We know for a fact that before you actually moved in my house, you had nothing. You've used up all your savings and we made a mutual decision to start over again. With or without money, I was willing to spend a lifetime with you. Without knowing that all this time, you were taking it wrongly. I acknowledge that you bought me so many things I told you I wouldve bought if only I could, since you were so generous to me and to everyone else, to date.. you have done so much that changed our way of living. We managed to have my room and comfort room renovated, purchased flat screen TV, digital camera, cell phone, laptop, air condition and a lot of small things that you knew would make me happy. You were someone any girl would wish to have. I would just like to mention though that since were sharing money, and I earn more that you do, its safe to say that not all the money came from you. I understand you received separation pay last year and it helped us big time but I dont think it would be enough for you to earn the right to belittle who I am. 

I can remember so clearly how you pointed fingers at me, cursing me and asking me to return all those material things you bought for me. You were shouting your heart out as if I was never your partner.  You said all the meanest words you could think of at that very moment and it was as if I never really knew that side of you. That was a part of you you haven't really introduced to me. It couldve been OK if we were in a different setting, say, if we were in our private room or anywhere else private. This wouldve been  less painful. But you know what hurts me the most?! The worst part is you were shouting to me like a mad man infront of my 4-year old son. You were doing all this and I could see him stopping you. I remained silent and I tried to calm you but to no avail, just when I was about to leave, you threw all my ATM cards all over the floor. I was there picking it all up, sobbing, while my son was there trying to console me. He was so mad at you that he said to me, if only he was a little bigger, he could've done something for you to stop humiliating me. You embarrassed me as if I were someone you never really loved before. Not to mention that you were doing all these in a public place where everyone else was just watching. Who knows if someone was taking videos of what you did and we could be all over the net. 

No one has ever earned the right to treat me like that. I was never dependent on you or to anyone for that matter. I work my ass off for my son and family. I graduated in a reputable university and I dont and never will ever deserve that treatment. You couldve just kept silent and embraced me and things wouldve turned out so differently. But thanks to the situation, I got to know you more. As of this writing, I have packed all your things and I am so ready to send this to you anytime. Thank you for the 23 wonderful months of bliss. You have lost the respect you had for me, and what that happens, I have always said this, there is no more reason to continue with the relationship. 

I am still mad and upset while I am writing this, I dont wanna close my doors coz my friend is right, you have done all the good things and you deserve ONE chance. Everybody deserves a chance. It might take months or even years for the wound to heal, I dont know. One thing I know for sure is Im doing all this for my son. he doesnt deserve to see ANYONE disrespect me as a person and as a woman. 

I am a single mother and I am hoping whatever decision I make, I hope to  make the right decison for my son's benefit. 

How to Apply for Solo Parent ID?

Being a solo parent, it would really help me big time if I secure a Solo Parent ID. This is being recognized in work places and my company is no exception to this. So even if I work in a call center, speaking with American consumers, our company is still mandated by law to let solo parents avail of this benefit. This would mean 7 additional leaves in one calendar year. 

I plan on visiting our municipal hall this week. So, since I am also searching on how to avail it, I'd like to share them with you too. :)

This is what I got from the website. Its comprehensive and it gives all information you may need. 

Who is considered as a “solo parent”?

A “solo parent” (pursuant to Republic Act No. 8972, also known as the “Solo Parents’ Welfare Act of 2000″) is any individual who falls under any of the following categories:

(1) A woman who gives birth as a result of rape and other crimes against chastity even without a final conviction of the offender: Provided, That the mother keeps and raises the child;

(2) Parent left solo or alone with the responsibility of parenthood due to death of spouse;

(3) Parent left solo or alone with the responsibility of parenthood while the spouse is detained or is serving sentence for a criminal conviction for at least one (1) year;

(4) Parent left solo or alone with the responsibility of parenthood due to physical and/or mental incapacity of spouse as certified by a public medical practitioner;

(5) Parent left solo or alone with the responsibility of parenthood due to legal separation or de facto separation from spouse for at least one (1) year, as long as he/she is entrusted with the custody of the children;

(6) Parent left solo or alone with the responsibility of parenthood due to declaration of nullity or annulment of marriage as decreed by a court or by a church as long as he/she is entrusted with the custody of the children;

(7) Parent left solo or alone with the responsibility of parenthood due to abandonment of spouse for at least one (1) year;

(8) Unmarried mother/father who has preferred to keep and rear her/his child/children instead of having others care for them or give them up to a welfare institution;

(9) Any other person who solely provides parental care and support to a child or children;

(10) Any family member who assumes the responsibility of head of family as a result of the death, abandonment, disappearance or prolonged absence of the parents or solo parent.

A change in the status or circumstance of the parent claiming benefits under Republic Act No. 8972, such that he/she is no longer left alone with the responsibility of parenthood, shall terminate his/her eligibility for these benefits.

Who are considered as “children”?

“Children” refer to those living with and dependent upon the solo parent for support who are unmarried, unemployed and not more than eighteen (18) years of age, or even over eighteen (18) years but are incapable of self-support because of mental and/or physical defect/disability.

What is “parental responsibility”?

With respect to minor children, it refers to the rights and duties of the parents as defined in Article 220 of Executive Order No. 209 (also known as the “Family Code of the Philippines“). Article 220 provides that the parents and those exercising parental authority shall have, with the respect to their unemancipated children on wards, the following rights and duties:

(1) To keep them in their company, to support, educate and instruct them by right precept and good example, and to provide for their upbringing in keeping with their means;

(2) To give them love and affection, advice and counsel, companionship and understanding;

(3) To provide them with moral and spiritual guidance, inculcate in them honesty, integrity, self-discipline, self-reliance, industry and thrift, stimulate their interest in civic affairs, and inspire in them compliance with the duties of citizenship;

(4) To furnish them with good and wholesome educational materials, supervise their activities, recreation and association with others, protect them from bad company, and prevent them from acquiring habits detrimental to their health, studies and morals;

(5) To represent them in all matters affecting their interests;

(6) To demand from them respect and obedience;

(7) To impose discipline on them as may be required under the circumstances; and

(8) To perform such other duties as are imposed by law upon parents and guardians.

What are the employment-related benefits available to ALL “solo parents”?

Flexible work schedule. This refers to the right of a solo parent employee to vary his/her arrival and departure time without affecting the core work hours as defined by the employer. The employer shall provide for a flexible working schedule for solo parents, as long as it shall not affect individual and company productivity. In case of certain meritorious grounds, the employer may request exemption from DOLE.

No work discrimination. Employer are prohibited from discriminating against any solo parent employee with respect to terms and conditions of employment on account of his/her status.

Parental leave. “Parental leave” means leave benefits granted to a solo parent to enable him/her to perform parental duties and responsibilities where physical presence is required. In addition to leave privileges under existing laws, parental leave of not more than seven (7) working days every year shall be granted to any solo parent employee who has rendered service of at least one (1) year.

What other benefits are available to “solo parents”?

Subject to income thresholds (“poverty threshold”) set by the National Economic and Development Authority (NEDA) and subject to the assessment of the DSWD worker in the area, “solo parents” shall be entitled to the following:

Educational benefits, including scholarship programs for qualified solo parents and their children in institutions of basic, tertiary and technical/skills education, and nonformal education programs appropriate for solo parents and their children.

Housing benefits, including allocation in government low-cost housing projects, with liberal terms of payment.

Medical assistance, with comprehensive health care programs for solo parents and their children to be implemented by the DOH through their retained hospitals and medical centers and the local government units (LGUs) through their provincial/district/city/municipal hospitals and rural health units (RHUs).

How to apply for a Solo Parent ID

1. The solo parent-applicants shall bring the ff.:

· Barangay certification certifying Solo Parent’s residency in the barangay for the last six months

· Affidavit of circumstance stating the reason for becoming a solo parent (Note: Some LGUs may require only basic documents hence it is advisable to call the C/MSWDO first to check the required documents).

· Certificates e.g., birth certificates of children, death certificate of spouse and other appropriate documentary support

· Income tax return or any document that will establish the income level of the solo parent

2. The social worker receives and ensures that all documents are complete and registers the applications with an appropriate case number in the log-book Registry of Solo Parents.

3. 3. The SP ID shall bear the following information:

· ID number, name, date of birth, sex, address and income

· Income Classification A and B e.g., A for above poverty line and B below poverty line

· Names of the family members, their dates of birth and relationship with the bearer

· For revalidation purposes, the ID shall indicate specific years and space for signatures/initials of the validating officer

· Size of the SP ID should not be more than 2 x 3.5 inches.

4. 4. The SP IDs shall be issued 30 days after filing of applications.

5 5. The SP ID card is valid for one year and renewable every year, subject to reassessment and re-evaluation by the social worker. In some instances, some LGUs indicate a three (3) year period, which will be signed/initialled by the social worker when revalidated.

6. 6. The C/MSWDO shall be responsible in the printing of the SP IDs. Proper control on the issuance of such shall be undertaken by C/MSWDO. If SP IDs are not immediately available for issuance after intake/assessment interview, the social worker shall issue a certificate of eligibility.

7. 7. SP IDs shall be surrendered to the C/MSWDO when the solo parents transfer residence in another area. As transferees from another barangay, the solo parents shall secure a certification from the new barangay attesting whether or not they have already availed of SP services.

8. 8. The availment of the seven days parental leave, in addition to the regular leave privileges provided by government agencies and private corporations is the right of every qualified solo parent. Solo parents may directly apply for parental leave with their employers, provided a valid SP ID is presented.

For more information, please visit your Municipal Social Welfare and Development Office in your locality. Solo parents may also post their queries on DSWD DOS or email at fo2@dswd.gov.ph or call (078) 846-7043.

You can find all this information in this website.

Acceptance. :)

February 17th, Sunday

As a single mother, one of the dilemmas that I have is whether or not Nyx will be accepted by Erick’s family. I guess this is one of the many challenges single mothers face and I’m not an exception to this case.

Upon realizing that Niño (Nyx’s father) will be gone for good, it never really came to me that I’d be with someone again. I know I’m too young and it’s too early to tell yet. It’s just that the thought of rejection scares me to death. I hate the thought of Nyx being rejected by my future in-laws. We see a lot of it in movies and Lord knows it’s possible. So I dismissed the thought of being with anyone again.  

But..

Apparently, God has another plan for me. He knows that I need someone I can share my life with given all the responsibilities I’m faced with. He gave me a chance at love and life. I’m grateful of the chance and I’m just happy God made it so easy for me and Nyx..

It took us months to introduce Nyx to Erick’s parents. They were already made aware by Erick that I have a son even before I met them. As far as I can recall, their only concern was whether or not I am married. They were sort of pleased when they learned that I’m not. Erick was insisting that we bring Nyx in his family house months before we actually took him in Batangas. I was not convinced that they’d like him so I was hesitant. To my surprise, it was a breeze. In an instant, I felt that they sincerely like Nyx.

Nyx has this natural charm. Aside from looks of course, he knows how to make someone like him effortlessly. I think most kids are like him. I know I’m just biased because of course I’m his mom.

We spent our weekend in Batangas and I can never be happier as a mother to feel that my son is accepted by my partner’s family. Now, I’m convinced that I’m blessed to have Erick in my life. I never felt as comfortable around Erick’s family as I did this past weekend. Erick’s mom even gave me a purse and bag which I super like!  Everything changed when I felt their deepest concern to Nyx when they learned that he was rushed to the hospital few days ago.

Pagdating ng house, di pa sya nakakapagpalit ng damit, upo kagad sya then he started playing with Eric's niece. :)

Nyx feels so at home in Batangas now.

Di naman halata na at home talaga sya noh?!

Mega close na sila ng kapatid ni Erick.. Super habol na sya jan and everyone in the house adores him! ♥

Hiniram nya lang yan sa pamangkin ni Erick! Parang sa kanya lang ung mga damit e. :)

Mawawala na naman si Jollibee sa eksena. :) We dropped by Jollibee before going home. :)

Happy pa sya nyan sa byahe.. Super sanay na sya sa byahe. As in. Wala na lang sa kanya ung 3 hours na byahe.

Nakakatulog na din sya ng mahimbing sa byahe. Then when he wakes up, he'll ask.. "Andito na?"

He didn’t ask about going home in Cavite. He played with kids from the block and he even let me sleep while he was out playing. He was so comfortable that he wanted to go back in Batangas as soon as possible. I feel completely satisfied now as a mother to Nyx and as a partner to Erick. ♥

Note to Erick (My No. 1 blog reader):

"Thanks for making the load lighter. Thank you for the love and acceptance. Thank you for the understanding and patience. Thank you for giving me the family I never had. Thank you for making me feel complete. I can never ask for more (aside ofcourse from the ones listed in my wishlist! :p). Thank you for the trust. You know I’m bad at this, but I just want to say Thank you for everything! I love you babe!  ♥♥"

On Anger and Tantrums.

" As a single mom you have to play the roles of both a mother as well as a father. This is the most difficult aspect of being a single mom apart from the financial challenges. You have to pamper your precious children as a mother and also scold them like a father when they go wrong."

-Unknown quotes

 *******************

This morning, while I was walking home, I was surprised to see Nyx sitting on a couch outside his Mommy Hermie's house. He was comfortably seated playing with his Ninang Beth's Ipad while his Mommy Hermie was fixing the laundry. I asked that we go home kasi nakakahiya na. As per his Mommy Hermie, he's been there for almost 2 hours na. Without thinking, Nyx rushed to me and waved goodbye na to his Mommy Hermie.

While we were on our way home, pinapagalitan nya ko kasi I brought his tablet to work. This past few days, or even months, since we bought that tablet, addicted na sya dito. As in, he gets frustated when the battery gets drained. Frustrated din tuloy ako kasi nagtatantrums sya. This has always been the cause of chaos in our house. Lahat kasi inaaway ni Nyx when he gets upset or frustrated.

When we reached home, my mom told me na Nyx woke up several times in the middle of the night expressing his anger towards me. As in galit daw ang anak ko saken. When he woke up, he told Mama daw..

"Galit na talaga ako kay Mommy! Ayaw nya ko tabi mag-sleep tapos dala nya pa tablet sa work, di na nya ko love! Di ko na sya love! "

Oh my. My heart broke to pieces. So I immediately gave him the "usap tayo" look then we headed upstairs na.

I asked him if he's mad at me and he said NO naman.. I explained to him na I work during the night and would therefore need to sleep daytime kaya hindi kami pwede magtabi magsleep.. I explained na during restdays lang kami pwede magtabi magsleep or during his nap time. I explained it to him the best way I could kahit na alam kong di pa nya naiintindihan.

It hurts kasi my son is such a sweet kid. I'm sure everyone would agree na after ng weekend bonding time usually the next day when you have to work again, the child usually develops seperation anxiety. Then come midweek, its like they have gotten used to it na ulit. Come weekend ayan na naman, di na naman kayo mapaghihiwalay.

Sigh.

I wish I dont have to work so I can be with my son all the time.

I try as much as I can to take his bath and join him for lunch para we have bonding time pa din even during weekdays. I also try to include some lessons during our bed time bonding so he'd learn something from me na din even during bonding time. I want quality time with my son. I guess we all want nothing but quality time with our loved ones naman e.

Nyx is very expressive and demonstrative din. If he doesnt want me around, he,d say..

"Mommy, sleep ka na please.."

or

"Mommy, punta ka na work please..."

When were together naman, he'll give me non stop kisses and hugs and he wants me to do everything with him - bathing, eating, playing, watching TV, studying and many other things.

Hay. I wish he'll stay that way forever. The feeling na he doesnt need anyone but me.

But honestly, I really need to work on my son's manners. I feel na nagiging bully na sya masyado saka he seems impatient din. Erick and I should work together in molding his character. I need to start working on it now.

 I just found this quote online and its so true! ♥♥

"Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride."

-Unknown

Let's all have a great day ahead! ☺

My dilemmas on being a single parent

Everyone knows that being a single parent is hard enough. It becomes harder when you’re the breadwinner of your family + you have a new partner pa. It can’t get any harder. I know it’s all a matter of setting priorities and knowing where to focus. But sometimes it just gets a lot more complicated. How?

I live with my family and I basically provide for them. I started sending my brother to college last year and I’m glad he’ll be in his sophomore year this coming June. I’m praying and hoping that when he graduates, he’ll start helping our family kasi I know it’s not gonna be easy for me when Nyx starts to study na. It’s hard to feed a family of six. I live with my parents, 2 other sibilings and ofcourse, Nyx. My dad stopped working several years before I graduated in college and since then, we don’t have any other source of income but me. I have been the sole provider of the family for almost 4 years now. Not that I’m complaining but things get harder every day.

I don’t want to go in details but I just wanna vent out. Haaay! I wish I was born rich. It gets more complex kasi Erick and I want to get our own place na kaso we are hesitant since Nyx is too young to be left alone with a nanny. I don’t plan to abandon my family; it’s more of setting limitations that I cannot provide everything they want. I can only make sure that we have good food on the table, electricity, water and the like. But anything outside necessity, I can’t provide that anymore. I wish I can explain myself to them but they never understand. Haaaay.

I’m just really stressed out. I needed to vent out. And I feel worse kasi I had 3 sticks of cigarettes na – a deviation from my goal.

I’m sorry for the negativity.

Tomorrow is a better day. Good vibes please!!! ☺