Live, Love and Learn. :)

Its been a while since I last wrote here. I realized a lot of things in life and I have gone through the many twists and turns of womanhood and motherhood. I am currently having a lot of dilemmas in my life.. But please don't get me wrong.. I am so blessed this year. Actually, to say that I am just blessed is an understatement. The blessings have been really overwhelming. I have achieved 9 out of 10 of my goals.. and I am so thankful.

I guess, dilemmas are just part of growing up.. We tend to over think and we tend to over analyze as we grow old and mature.. At the end of the day, what matters to most of us is the happiness of the people who bring joy in our lives..in other words, their happiness brings us happiness. 

Here are some of the things I have learned over the past 4 months:

.. Surround yourself with positive people.. they help you attract good vibes and it produces positive energy.

.. Share your blessings with others

.. Stay humble

.. Find joy in the littlest things

.. Be with our Lord. Always be thankful. Because when all else fails, no one but the Lord gives us the hope and light we need. 

.. Be the best mother you can possibly be. We cant ever turn back the hands of time. Send the right message to your children.. Do not let them remember the bad things of childhood. Make them love and value every moment spent with you. Be their best friends. Try new things with them. Make them feel happiest when you spend quality time together. 

.. Family first. Never abandon your family. 

.. Love yourself

.. Always be grateful

.. Travel. Meet new people and learn new things

.. Life is short so make the most out of it

.. Achieve financial independence. Do not just depend on your partner financially. 

.. Love yourself. This will help you become a better mother, partner, daughter, friend, employee and all other roles we play in our daily lives. It brings out the best in you. 

... Love, love, love!

At the moment.. these are the things running in my head.. I will try to share more of my journey with Nyx.

Thank you! :)

Acceptance. :)

February 17th, Sunday

As a single mother, one of the dilemmas that I have is whether or not Nyx will be accepted by Erick’s family. I guess this is one of the many challenges single mothers face and I’m not an exception to this case.

Upon realizing that Niño (Nyx’s father) will be gone for good, it never really came to me that I’d be with someone again. I know I’m too young and it’s too early to tell yet. It’s just that the thought of rejection scares me to death. I hate the thought of Nyx being rejected by my future in-laws. We see a lot of it in movies and Lord knows it’s possible. So I dismissed the thought of being with anyone again.  

But..

Apparently, God has another plan for me. He knows that I need someone I can share my life with given all the responsibilities I’m faced with. He gave me a chance at love and life. I’m grateful of the chance and I’m just happy God made it so easy for me and Nyx..

It took us months to introduce Nyx to Erick’s parents. They were already made aware by Erick that I have a son even before I met them. As far as I can recall, their only concern was whether or not I am married. They were sort of pleased when they learned that I’m not. Erick was insisting that we bring Nyx in his family house months before we actually took him in Batangas. I was not convinced that they’d like him so I was hesitant. To my surprise, it was a breeze. In an instant, I felt that they sincerely like Nyx.

Nyx has this natural charm. Aside from looks of course, he knows how to make someone like him effortlessly. I think most kids are like him. I know I’m just biased because of course I’m his mom.

We spent our weekend in Batangas and I can never be happier as a mother to feel that my son is accepted by my partner’s family. Now, I’m convinced that I’m blessed to have Erick in my life. I never felt as comfortable around Erick’s family as I did this past weekend. Erick’s mom even gave me a purse and bag which I super like!  Everything changed when I felt their deepest concern to Nyx when they learned that he was rushed to the hospital few days ago.

Pagdating ng house, di pa sya nakakapagpalit ng damit, upo kagad sya then he started playing with Eric's niece. :)

Nyx feels so at home in Batangas now.

Di naman halata na at home talaga sya noh?!

Mega close na sila ng kapatid ni Erick.. Super habol na sya jan and everyone in the house adores him! ♥

Hiniram nya lang yan sa pamangkin ni Erick! Parang sa kanya lang ung mga damit e. :)

Mawawala na naman si Jollibee sa eksena. :) We dropped by Jollibee before going home. :)

Happy pa sya nyan sa byahe.. Super sanay na sya sa byahe. As in. Wala na lang sa kanya ung 3 hours na byahe.

Nakakatulog na din sya ng mahimbing sa byahe. Then when he wakes up, he'll ask.. "Andito na?"

He didn’t ask about going home in Cavite. He played with kids from the block and he even let me sleep while he was out playing. He was so comfortable that he wanted to go back in Batangas as soon as possible. I feel completely satisfied now as a mother to Nyx and as a partner to Erick. ♥

Note to Erick (My No. 1 blog reader):

"Thanks for making the load lighter. Thank you for the love and acceptance. Thank you for the understanding and patience. Thank you for giving me the family I never had. Thank you for making me feel complete. I can never ask for more (aside ofcourse from the ones listed in my wishlist! :p). Thank you for the trust. You know I’m bad at this, but I just want to say Thank you for everything! I love you babe!  ♥♥"

Things I should be thankful for:

I just thought that listing all the good (and bad ) things going on in my life will somehow invite good vibes so ima start doing that! :)

• Im sooo happy because my brother received approval na for his scholarship from Strike Revilla. This is a perfect time to take advantage of assistance like this from local candidates kasi election is fast approaching na. Thats about Php 5000.00 din! :) Its a big help especially that 2nd sem is almost over and the check he'll be receiving will go towards savings na lang.
• Yesterday was my restday and it was a very productive one. I have been planning to go on a general check up a long time ago so I can maximize my health card benefits and I'm glad it finally translated to reality yesterday! I had my blood chemistry done and since I'm having some problems with my menstrual period, I also had my transvaginal ultrasound done and I got favorable results. So I walked away from the clinic really happy. :) Im awaiting the results of my lab tests and I'm also hopeful there's nothing wrong with me. Keep praying! :)
• I did some shopping today (pre-loved items), the money I saved from getting my ultrasound done, I used it for something else. :)
• Nyx and I had great quality time again today. Moments like this will always be worth my time and its priceless! :)
• I woke up to the smell of hot chocolate prepared by my super wonderful boyfie! :)
• Mom is feeling better now. She's been feeling a little hypertensive for days now and I'm glad she's better.

Eric and I just started to hear mass regularly this January and it feels great. It feels so good to be closer to God. It feels light and everything feels ok. I have trillion other things to be thankful for and all these I owe to Him! I also wanna thank Eric and my son for giving me the motivation I need to stay positive in life.

 

Positive vibes everyone! :)

2011 - My most challenging year (so far).

This was how 2011 was like for me.

2011 was a challenging year for me. It was January when I decided to finally move out of my comfort zone. I have felt a while back that HSBC wasn’t the company for me; I have realized long before that growth isn’t really something I can find in this company. I made one of the toughest decisions of my life when I finally decided to leave, and just move on. I made a lot of memories; good and bad, in over 3 years of my stay in the company. I made great friends and I’ve learned so much about people, work, career, fun and life in general. So bidding farewell to the memories and the routine (in over 3 years) made it harder for me to leave.  But I had to. It’s just so sad that I burnt bridges. I lost in touch with the good friends, great people and potential connections. It was an impulsive decision and yes, when I look back I have the slightest regret because I miss them. And when it comes, I have no choice but to stay away from the thought of it because I need to move on and stop dwelling in the past.

Looking at the aspect of my personal life, it was a mess. My relationship with my x was at its rockiest point. We lost communication, we seldom sleep together (literally) since he was hesitant to move in my parent’s house, we seldom go out, we were barely getting by and we would constantly fight over money matters since we basically had no source of income at that time. We were so dependent of his family and my friends and I guess it created tension at that time. I was so trying to make the relationship work because Id like to believe that it was the only good thing I had at that time since career sucked. I was at the lowest point of my life as I was still trying to rehabilitate from gambling addiction.

I decided to finally look for work in February, and that’s when GE found me. It was a co-incidence in a way since my first choice was to work with Chase, but I was compelled to change mind and shift plans. I was not intending to work around Alabang since I wanted to start over, start anew. But fate brought me back here. It was March when I started being officially employed. Same industry, different job description, similar culture but totally different level of stress. It’s almost close to being stress-free. I guess it’s mainly because I started out with strong will and determination, focused that getting up is my primary goal. I started at a wrong foot when I was in my previous company. I hung out with the wrong people and I wasn’t really focused. Not at all. It’s a totally different story when I started out here in my present company. And it’s a good one.

I had all the plans narrated in my head to start out a good family and good life, simply put, to be a better person; better mother, daughter and most of all, to be a better partner. I’d like to believe that I had the best partner a few months back. He would constantly say that he’s fed up with my attitude, how I treated him and the like, and I would always take all these issues for granted. I thought all the while that everything was doing well in terms of our relationship. He was at his best self when we had our last walk dated March 11,2011. We talked about our dreams, our plans, and the challenges of our relationships. I even considered it as premonition at one point. That afternoon walk was actually the last time I ever laid eyes on him. I haven’t seen him in a while. It’s been almost a year and I have not actually had a conversation with him. I miss him, yes. I guess I was so assured that he’d never let go so I never really looked for him or longed for him since then. Until my life became more complicated and I thought he should be there for me. But it surprised me when I found out that he’s somewhere else trying to build the family we never really had. I had no choice but to move on, accept it and just continue living the dreams we built together. I went thru depression, episodes of it, a lot of times then I realized I haven’t really dealt with my heartbreak. It wasn’t just heartbreak actually. It felt like I have to make a total turn in my life. And it’s just not easy. Glad I have my son who inspires me and my family and friends who support me.

It was September then when I found out about the bad news. I realized a lot of things in my life and it made me rethink my life. I gave myself a license to do whatever I felt like doing at that time for like a month, it’s more like a license to ruin my life. Then after over a month, I realized, there’s just no point dwelling in the past. I did some things that somehow helped me regain what I lost. I started working out, expanding my social circle, my horizon in general. I started keeping in touch with my old friends. I basically started doing things that I chose to stop doing while I was with him. I haven’t felt the satisfaction so far but I’m sure I’ll get over it soon. My life is better, career is better and I know it can only get better.

Come December, I won Employee of the Year Award for our portfolio. I was able to throw a birthday party for my baby. Everything that I wished I had the same month a year ago, I got it. Life indeed has a lot of trade-offs. Life would’ve been boring if I had everything I wished for. I know I can’t have it all. And I can only make the best of what I have now.

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I havent sat down and summarized my 2012 yet but its a better year I guess - which only proves that life can only get better for me any my family. Good vibes! :) I'll definitely take time to write about the highlights of my 2012 and I'll be glad to share it in this blog. :)

Note to my son:

I am trying so hard to be a better person so you'll be proud of me when you grow up. And you effortlessly bring out the best in me. I love you so much my baby! :)