Fear of R.E.J.E.C.T.I.O.N

“Have you had a failure or rejection? You could get bitter. That's one way to deal with it. Or...you could just get BETTER. What do you think?”

― Destiny Booze

I have been fighting this fear since my younger years. I guess I have gotten so used to embracing the beauty of perfection – the feeling and pride it provides my spirit, ego and identity in general. I am not saying I’m perfect but when I put my heart and soul to something, I make sure I get what I want out of it. Of course, there are times when things don’t always go my way. And that’s when I start to put a façade in many forms of defense mechanisms.  

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”

― Billy Joel

I have a lot of wasted opportunities through the years because I fear being rejected. When I graduated in college (while working in a call center) I was offered a great career by one of the best research companies in the country and I had to decline it because I was too scared to get out of my comfort zone. I was petrified that I may not do well in that industry. Many times, I was faced with the same dilemma and those times, I allowed my fear to empower me.

Rejection demotivates me. I have counted many achievements in my life and I never want to stop counting them. However, over the past 4 years of my life when I stepped out of the university, I feel that I have seen nothing but all kinds of failure. I want to learn how not to be afraid of rejection. I want to start believing that rejection is part of this game called life. That winning can’t be any sweeter if we have not experienced failure and rejection.

I want to teach my son how to accept failure and rejection. I want him to be proud of who he is a person even if he has counted numerous failures in his life. That it’s ok not to be the best. What matters more in the end is not how he ranked but how he played the game.

This, I want to share with him.

Today, I feel so sad for letting another opportunity pass. I know I’m capable of something but this fear stops me from being the person I want to be. A realization that failure does not make me any less of a person should come first. I have to stop caring if people will start looking down on me when I fail. As long as the people I love still accepts me as I am unconditionally – without questioning my strengths, I should move forward and be BETTER.

“Chase your dreams until you catch them...and then dream, catch, and dream again! ”

― Dee Marie, Sons of Avalon: Merlin's Prophecy

 

“There are still many more days of failure ahead, whole seasons of failure, things will go terribly wrong, you will have huge disappointments, but you have to prepare for that, you have to expect it and be resolute and follow your own path.”

― Anton Chekhov