Renewing my passion in writing :)

I have always wanted to start a blog of my own. Years back, I tried using multiply and as my schedule became more hectic, it became impossible for me to maintain it. My intention now is to maintain a journal thru this blog, share stories on becoming a single mother, breadwinner, daughter, partner, college graduate, call center agent, sister, friend and many other roles that complete my life in general. :) This will somehow help me show my son how he was growing up. :) And I hope, he'll love me even more when he sees this blog in the near future.

This is my first official post in this blog and I'd like to make this as personal as it can get. I have loved writing eversince I was in my elementary days. Its my way of expressing myself. I am known as a  happy-go-lucky type of person and its always been hard for me to express my emotions growing up. I have been thru a lot of failed relationships and I have learned a lot from all these mistakes i committed in the past. I am a single mom (and I'm proud of it!) and I am currently in a relationship (very much inlove!).  We celebrated our 7th month as couples last week in Tagaytay and I am looking forward to counting years with him. When I have the time, I'll share with you how our friendship blossomed into something else.  My son's name is Czaerus Nyx ( Jaerus = god of luck and opportunity & Nyx= goddess of moon ) I gave birth to him when I was 22 years old, December 30,2009 and many things in my life changed since then. I remember my friend telling me that he might be gay when he grow up (i dont have anything against gay men, I love them infact! ) because his name means something like "opportunistang bakla". I laughed the thought off. Haaay, time flies so fast. He's now 3 and I'm so not ready yet to see him mature years from now. His Kuya Erick (my boyfie's name) loves him so much too. And I wish we'll be together forever na as a family. We plan on getting married na soon kasi he's been so persistent in asking me to give him a son na. Haaay! I wish it can be that easy. Anyways, we've been talking a lot about that. I'll think about it a thousand times or even a million times pa before I decide to bring another child in this world. :)

I found this letter in my archives and I wanna share this with you.. I gave this letter to Erick 2 months back and this made him smile a little. :)

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Six months ago, I have been bothering you by sending you insignificant text messages with an

attempt to build a friendship with you. I found you unique in many ways and I admire you for that. I know that you have always been content on being on your own, you have lived a life so different from mine that made me so eager to dig deep and discover what's there to know about your life. A

month  later, I dragged you into going out of town with me along with our common friends. I did that because I wanted to have a vacation far from the lights and sounds of places like puerto galera, boracay etc. In our attempt to push through with our plan, I'd like to believe that we were on our way to building close to friendship. I can vividly recall the petty arguments that we had in our efforts to put the plan in place.

And so it happened, May 3rd, we were on our way to Zambales. Id like to believe that friendship was something we developed in this trip. It was so fulfilling since you somehow allowed me to explore your world. We started to be so close with each other that I felt a little uneasy. It felt like we were on our own in this trip. You took care of me along the way like no friend did. Somehow, I felt like you were treating me differently from the rest. I felt something special. As we were heading home from Zambales, we were seated next to each other all through out our travel, I was leaning on your shoulder the entire time and I felt a spark of something I didnt want to define. I could feel your concern and I could tell that with that look in your eye, that something's up. We headed to mommy carm's house and it felt more intense. We shared intimate moments together and it went as far as you making that attempt to kiss me. I refused and I felt even more confused.I was allowing you to hold my hands and kiss me in my cheeks, I felt secure in your arms but I couldnt give you that kiss. Days went on and we kept in touch. I asked you out and that 1st movie together was a confirmation of something beyond the borders of friendship. A month later, June 2nd, we went on with our Tagaytay trip. It was unexpected. It was spontaneous. But I can rightfully claim this to be

the most revealing moment we shared together. I got to know more about who you are and you got to know more about my tragic life. I got to introduce you to my son as well and I was very hopeful you'd like him. We learned to accept each other. You admitted you love me and I said I love you you too. And the rest is history. Twas a magical night indeed and I will never forget that conversation we had over 1 bottle of redhorse.

A month later, we just found ourselves looking for a place to stay so we can live together and be with each other often. I saw how you took care of me and how you cared for me. I felt your love even more. I'd wake up surprised by your meal, hot choco, sweet smile and the like. Youre not the type of man I'll expect surprises from. You may not be the most ideal man to have. But Lord knows how you made me feel - that having you is all Ill ever need in this lifetime.

Months went on and a lot of times we tried to end the relationship, but who would ever thought we're still standing strong together. We have surpassed the first 2 stages of relationship. We are now in the stage when all our loved ones become involved. I'm sorry that I can not be as good as you are in terms of mingling with my family. Im sorry if i cant meet your expectations. Most of the time, I feel youre not proud of me as your girl friend, then, on second thought, I realized you have millions of reasons to think that way. Im sorry if I cant be close to ideal. You have been so good to me, you have made a lot of sacrifices only to prove that youre worthy of my love and trust. Today, Id like to let go of my apprehensions and just let it all out. I trust that you'd handle that trust with care.

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 I have sent him many notes.. And this one I think touched him the most. I'll tell you more of our journey and my son's as days pass by. I wish I can maintain this blog as often as I can and I hope to post a lot of pictures too. I know this will take some of my time but I'd like to have something my son can read so he'd know how much I tried to give him the family he deserves. I feel bad that he can't be with his dad anymore but I'd like to make him feel loved a thousand more times to compensate for that . A child as amazing as my son doesnt deserve any type of guilt for not having a complete family.

Anyways, Ill share more of our journey here some other time. :)